I get it now. Why people choose to do drugs or drown in alcoholism. I understand how easy it is to find answers in addiction, hallucinations and the general submersion of your consciousness in a non-reality. I really get it. Life is shit. Even for those who seem to have it all, nothing can stop one from feeling dismal and pathetic and lost in a white space where they can’t find the edges of the door that takes them out. I’m here, in this world, I’ve achieved some pretty great stuff and can do more, I’m normal, gifted with working limbs and opportunities, I can dream and live wonderfully. But why am I not? Why am I stuck? This is not a rut or a hurdle, this feels like a black hole where I’m drifting, drifting, drifting. Towards nothing. I shake my arms and legs and try to root myself somewhere, but there is no gravity, there is no land. I am the helium balloon. Lost and gone, waiting to pop any minute.

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