Pondering about love has always been one of my favorite things to do. Mostly because I have invested a lot of time in it! I guess like most little girls, I used to fantasize about romance and first kisses and being swept off my feet. As I’ve grown up.. My understanding has somewhat fluctuated like a snake-like graph between crystal-clarity to murky confusion. First it was the butterflies I felt in my stomach whenever he threw a smile my way. My feet melted with that first dance where no words were said. Tears came and went, each time raining the thought in my head that I would never find love again. But then.. It found me.
My true love was my biggest disappointment. Because it refused to meet any of my expectations. It made me struggle to look beyond the painted frame I wanted to see. It tested and tried me to my limits by breaking every rule I had made for the fulfillment of my epic romance. At every step I wanted to let go.. Love wasn’t supposed to be this hard.. What happened to all that ‘love is sunshine and sunflowers’ mumbo-jumbo I had been fed with. I wanted our story to be played out with the soundtrack of eternal love songs that dictated rosiness and bliss but all I could get was crackling white noise.
The truth is, I’m ever so glad I was disappointed. Because the real deal got me so much more than I was even capable of dreaming of. I got what I deserved..not what I wanted. Sure it might be a man who never buys me flowers and displays more enthusiasm towards poker nights with the boys as opposed to dinners with me. But he is also the man who sits and patiently listens as my mother recaps soap opera theatricals. He urges me to be a stronger woman and yet cringes silently when I’m in pain. And he finds the strangest magical ways to annoy me and yet crush me with the surprising sweetness he is capable of.
Together we have found our own definition of love. It’s the little things and the big things and all the inbetweenness that can so easily go unnoticed. Sometimes everything can make sense and others we’re left scrounging for scraps of your sanity. But in the grand scheme of the madness of this world.. We find ourselves content and comforted holding each other’s hands and staring at the ever-changing sky..